Erica had always dreamt of this moment. He was standing in front of her, his blue eyes gazing so deep in hers he thought he was looking into her soul. He was about to ask, to use those four words. Those four words that every girl someday had dreamt being said to her in just a way such as this. He knelt down on one knee. That little black box was placed in the palm of his left hand. That little black box that was in this very moment being opened by his right hand.
Erica couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t concentrate. This was what she thought she had always wanted. This was her dream. Wasn’t it? As he gazed deep into her eyes she did not gaze back, she starred blankly back, zoning into his deep blue eyes and in this moment she only had one thing on her mind. Tim.
No, Tim was not the man with the deep blue eyes staring at her holding this box that now showed to contain a big beautiful diamond ring, just her size. No, Tim was someone from her past, a lover that was left behind. A mere memory she had always thought. But as her now, blue-eyed lover asked her that burning question, Tim was the first thing that shot into her mind.
As the words came out of his mouth, almost as if in slow motion, a tremble ran down her spine at the thought of this decision. Why had Tim appeared in her mind? Would this be the right decision? Where was Tim now? Should she say yes? These questions whirled her mind for a good twenty seconds, which felt like hours. Her blue-eyed lover then stood up, question filling those beautiful eyes, those eyes that were only moments ago filled with hope, love and devotion now showed fear, question and pain. He knew. He knew in those twenty seconds and by the blank stare in her eyes that she could not say yes. She watched him break down, falling apart right in front of her.
He did not ask for an explanation. He did not ask for an answer aloud. Instead, he shut his eyes, turned around and walked out of the door. Erica’s heart broke for him. She just now was realizing what she had done. She let go of what every girl should want. What every girl hopes for. Still, she did not regret not saying yes because during this moment, in the front of her mind was Tim.
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This definitely shows how suspenseful the juggling pattern can be if done right. I felt for the guy on his on knees. Good work, Lindsey. One thing you also might want to focus on is how to get more sensory specifics, sight-touch-etc-into the writing. There's lots of tension in the passage, but much of it is internal (her thoughts) versus external (tension from the body, what she sees.) One final small note: for blogs try to add a space between the paragraphs since you can't indent. Great job on this one!
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